Saturday, August 12, 2006

To Fly Safely

I do not know if I am being tongue-in-cheek here or deadly seriousl

Step 1. Arrive at airport and present flight credentials. (Having been subjected to a full identity and background check earlier before the credentials were granted.) All luggage will be taken, examined and sealed; you will not see it again until you arrive at your destination.

Step 2. Leave all carry-ons such as keys, wallets, watches, cameras, ink pens etc. after watching them be examined and locked in a small box containing only your items which will be placed on the plane in a seperate compartment.

Step 3. Enter a small private booth and completely undress placing every item of clothing in a box which will be examined, sealed and placed on your flight (you hope.)

Step 4. Enter a scanner which will scan your body for anomalies (any of which will be investigated by a person of the gender and age you fill most comfortable nude in front of.)

Step 5. Enter another booth where you will be given a simple garment and a pair of slippers to wear during the flight. Any medication or baby formula or other "must haves" must be ordered in advance and will be obtained and placed on the flight by the airline.

Step 6. Enter loading area where only passengers and authorized personel are allowed and all are carefully watched for signs of potential danger.

Step 7. Board plane and enjoy your flight

Step 8. At destination enter a designated area where your possessions are returned and you are allowed to replace your flight garments with your own clothing. I hope everything is on the right plane.

Sounds like such fun. Blasted terrorists anyway.


Blogger Tim said...

I'm flying on Monday and again on Wed. I am debating bringing my laptop. I hope that these new restrictions are relaxed soon, because being someone who flys at least four times a month, not having my laptop will present a real problem in carrying out my job. Checking it is a dicey proposition at best, as luggage handlers are renouned for breaking, stealing, and or losing your valuable stuff. I heard some security "expert" talking about the need to ban carry on luggage forever and can only groan at the thought of that. We need to get the TSA to figure out how to screen this stuff and do their job instead of whining about how hard this all is to accomplish. Look, I'm on the front line in the "War on terror" every time I fly, and am willing to take the risk to do what I feel is a very important job that saves the lives of people who need the equipment that I service. I take this risk seriously and expose myself willingly both to help others and to oppose the terrorists. They need to figure out how to do theirs without taking away my ability to do mine.

4:54 PM  
Blogger Skip said...

I can relate... I am trying to get a "HAZ-MAT" endorsment on my CDL... I have to get a background check with the state and federal authorities.. they need addresses for the past 10 years, all jobs and any/all police records, not to mention fingerprints and other forms of Ids, All this to be able to haul chemicals

8:06 PM  
Blogger ABFreedom said...

Tim makes a good point. I usually travel very light, and would have a heck of a time trusting baggage handlers. Going to have to learn to use business centers at the other end, I guess.

8:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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2:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tim, Fed Ex or UPS your laptop to your destination so it is there when you arrive. This is how hunters get their personal firearms to their locations and have been doing it this way for years for the same reasons you mention. No doubt this is an inconvenience but there is always some type of work around for every problem.

2:15 AM  
Blogger Lone Pony said...

Yep, blasted terrorists! I guess I'll get over it as I go more and grow up a bit, but I'm just so happy to finally get to go places that I'd do just about anything.

8:04 AM  
Blogger NEO, SOC said...

I flew from Orlando to Dulles yesterday. They flagged me for screening. Why? I think it was maybe because I went to the Indianapolis Airport on Tuesday and purchased my one-way ticket with cash. Do I care that I was searched? No. They did their job and I am glad they did. Before I got to the security point; I had all metallic items removed from my person and placed in my backpack; boots off and laptop in tow. They were scanned and I was patted down. Oh well. So, although it was an incovenience; it was a necessary step. And I did not believe myself to be someone important like Mrs. McKinney and made it a racial issue.

12:56 PM  
Blogger shoprat said...

tim Do what you must and be careful.

Skip good luck with that

neo,soc Very wise attitude you are showing. Good to see you again.

j_g good advice and thanx for visititing.

lp and abf glad you dropped by.

8:24 PM  

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