Sunday, August 27, 2006

Are You a Liberal, a Conservative, or a Redneck?

Hat Tip to my non-blogging co-worker, Tom, who sent this to me.

Are you a Liberal, Conservative or Redneck?

Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a 40 caliber Glock and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Liberal Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.


Conservative's Answer:

BANG!


Redneck's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click...(sounds of reloading). BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click


Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?

Son: Git-r-Dun Pop! Can I shoot the next one!

Wife: You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!

9 Comments:

Blogger Gayle said...

Heh! I think the Redneck answer is a little extreme, but that's only because I don't believe in wasting ammo. One shot aimed well should do the trick! So I'm definitely a conservative. :)

8:35 PM  
Blogger Mother Jug-a-Rum said...

LOL, it's all so true!

8:50 PM  
Blogger Tom said...

Thanks for making my day! (I had a crappy one until I read this!)

9:22 PM  
Blogger Gunz said...

Redneck. :)

10:08 PM  
Blogger shoprat said...

Thanks for the comments.

Actually I think a few would-be terrorists winding up in the taxidermists hands might be a good thing.

11:20 PM  
Anonymous Seth said...

You have no idea how happy my keyboard and I both are that I didn't have a mouthful of coffee when I read this post, LOL!

Outstanding!

12:16 AM  
Blogger Exile said...

Hey, what do you know? I'm a redneck!

Still laughing... great post.

5:45 PM  
Blogger shoprat said...

Seth I'm glad too

exile I am pleased to hear that there are rednecks in your neck of the woods too.

9:37 PM  
Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Heh.
Good one.

9:47 PM  

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